The Ending, And What Happened After It

The Ending, And What Happened After It

I actually did not wind up going home that night—I don’t imagine that surprises you. I actually had to go in and explain myself to Adnan and Kay and Mark and Pete. Actually, when I walked in, sopping wet and clutching my muddy backpack, Adnan exclaimed, “Shit, you’re back together!”

I looked at him quizzically. “How did you know?”

“Holy fuckballs!” he screeched. “I’m not retarded.”



And that was how that began.

To my surprise, Pete was one of the most accepting of it. He and Kay had, after all, seen it coming at lunch. That was what they were making those stupid faces about. They knew someone was falling for someone else again, but they hadn’t been sure who was going to get hurt by it all. Mark was the hardest to convince—but after I had been home a few weeks, visiting back and forth with Kay, he started to trust me again. Or maybe it was just that my arrival was the harbinger of his girlfriend’s approach. Whichever it was, Mark and I were shortly on good terms again.

Pete seemed to think I had been punished enough for living by getting thrown out. He though I deserved it. But after the whole debacle, he seemed to hate me less. Maybe it was because he saw how happy Ian seemed. Maybe it was because he just grew up some. Whichever it was, it was nice.

Not to say that thing were perfect after that. I started doing a lot of driving, spending a lot of nights on the road, living at home. I spent time with Ian’s family without Ian, which always sent a fresh wave of missing him through me. And I had to convince the college I’d turned down to take me back—thankfully, they did, otherwise I’d have been attending Brookdale Community College come September. So I was going to Montclair state. No worries.

I had class schedules to figure out, a car to buy, a life to get in order. But on weekends I always went down to see Ian. Some weekdays I went to see Ian, if Kay was going. And, of course, there was that first time I ran into Kyle. That was uncomfortable as hell, of course. He almost seemed relieved, as if our run-in was at least confirmation that I hadn’t been killed on the side of the highway. He’d surely been suspecting, in light of my rapid disappearance—Kay had driven me home the morning after I’d left.

So I followed his advice. I gave that uncomfortable nod and left it at that. I saw Keeley once or twice, and we talked a little. But at the end of the day she had her side and I had mine and we had chosen where we were going to stay. Only Craig crossed enemy lines—he got my email, and over the next few years, we corresponded occasionally.

Jenna and Pete broke up eventually. He was sad when it happened, but Pete was Pete and Pete always moved on. As did our lives. And soon enough it was just the six of us again: Ian, Pete, Kay, Mark, Adnan, and me. Soon enough, that summer was like a bad memory, forgotten, abandoned. We didn’t really talk about it.

The one thing I really felt I had to do before we packed up at the end of the summer, bade a fond farewell to the rented trailers, and prepared to have to be responsible for our own meals every once and a while was speak with Jim.

Honestly, it didn’t make any sense to me either. But I had to do it. He was wiping down his counter when he saw me—he gave me a huge, toothy smile. “Hey there, pretty girl,” he greeted. He remembered me. “How have you been?”

I had been prepared for him to ask me about Kyle. There was a Decemberists CD sitting on the inside counter. But he didn’t. So I just said. “Busy. I decided to go to school. How about you?”
“Good for you,” he congratulated me, about the school. “I’m good, myself. Moving on to the next circuit. How’s that husband of yours?”

Apparently he had heard about Ian from Kyle. Son of a bitch. But I smiled, because it wasn’t Jim’s fault that Kyle was sort of a son of a bitch sometimes. “He’s good. He’s busy, too. They’re making an album this fall.”

“Good for him,” Jim congratulated. “I’ll tell Kyle you said hello, okay?”

I smiled. “You do that.” I meant it, too. I really did mean it.