11

I AM THE BABY WHISPERER!
FEAR ME!
...or follow me, if you are a child.

I learned today that children like me.
This is frightening--
I am a paragon of unfriendly.
I growl at kittens!
I shake my fist at orphans!
I kick lame dogs!

(It's possible that I took creative license with those.)

...

...

I AM THE BABY WHISPERER!
FEAR ME!